Give Me That Old Fashioned Discipline!

by Tom Shafer

January 19, 2018

Okay, so when I was a teacher — let me restate that — when I was a paid teacher (I will always be a teacher), the start of every year was fraught with sorrow, excitement, and apprehension.  The sorrow, of course, was the official end of summer, beautiful summer that allowed for late mornings (7:15 instead of 5:45!), fewer responsibilities, and visitations to far off, exotic destinations — well, not so far off or exotic necessarily, at least not on a public servant’s salary.  Camping in a national park, visiting family, those were more the norms.  The excitement stemmed from the idea of working with my students,  challenging their beliefs, noting their growth, witnessing those proverbial “light bulb” moments.  The apprehension stemmed from the idea of working with my students, wondering whether I was getting “keepers” or “weepers,” as in, ‘these kids are gonna make me cry for a whole semester!’  Fortunately, I received few of the latter, and when I did, I worked hard to make them keepers.  You’re welcome, society. 

Anyway, another part of any new year was setting expectations, introducing the syllabus, and addressing the rules that would make life, mine in particular, easier inside the classroom.  As teachers, we were required to submit our rules and expectations to administration, explain them to our students, then post them in a prominent place on one of our bulletin boards.  What follows is the “expectation plan” posted in my classroom for approximately fifteen years.  So, imagine my surprise when a new assistant principal questioned me about it — at the beginning of my last year of teaching.  I expected that she was going to ask me to change it, to bring it in line with more “traditional” expectation plans.  Instead, she loved it, thought it was hilarious, and shared it with the other assistant principal and our head principal, two men I had handed the same plan to several times over the course of several years.  Apparently, she read it, while the other two simply took it from my hand, placed it unceremoniously into a manila folder, and stored it in the darkness of the bottom drawer of a little used file cabinet.  Of course, names have been changed to protect the innocent, namely me.

Mr. Shafer’s Highly Effective Discipline Plan

Expectations:

1. Be on time.

2. Bring necessary materials to class (including books and homework!) and place any book-bags or large purses on the floor. Cell phones and MP3 players are not considered necessary materials and will be taken angrily and destroyed happily if seen.

3. Be courteous to fellow students, teachers, administrators, support staff, and any other visitors to the classroom.

Consequences:

*1st Time: Verbal warning of encouragement to “be good.”

*2nd Time: Verbal screaming with somewhat empty threatening. Removal to hallway for heartless to heartless discussion.

*3rd Time: Continued verbal screaming with much thrashing and flailing about. Calls will now be made to parents, guardians, Chuck Norris, the Navy Seals, and the President (not necessarily in that order).

*4th Time: Serious pain is imminent; therefore, a free, all-expenses-paid trip will be provided. Destination: Mr. Beelzebub in the 100’s office or Mrs. Banshee in the 200’s office.

If this is a fourth (+) tardy to class, detentions will now start flying like tornadoes, hurricanes, and curse words on Deadliest Catch.

Severe Disruption: Go ahead, make my millennium. I have chunks of stool
bigger than you. This behavior requires immediate removal to an area
safe from my strength and might – the 100’s or 200’s offices.

Special Notice: Opportunities will be provided for amending adverse and poor behavior. These will be negotiated between Mr. Shafer and rule violators and may involve hard manual labor or gifts like small artistic renderings of U.S. presidents (preferably Jackson or Grant) and/or Ministers to France (preferably Franklin).

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