by Tom Shafer
December 16, 2020
How dramatic was that title?
Okay, so you may wondering, “All right, Shafer has completely lost it now; four years of the Trump presidency have worn his brain down to a useless nub.” Well, I might agree with you about Trump wearing me down, but no, I haven’t completely lost it. And no, I didn’t eat Cap’n Crunch – just his delicious cereal.
I salute you, Cap’n!
For most of you, I would assume that eating a bowl of cereal is no big deal – and it wasn’t for me either until I turned twenty-five. For the first quarter century of life, cereal with milk was a staple of my breakfast routine. I was mostly a Frosted Flakes kind of guy then, but would occasionally chow on regular Cheerios for a change of pace. Milk in general was an important part of my diet, and it wasn’t uncommon for me to drain a couple of gallons a week on my own.
So, imagine my disbelief one morning, having just finished a bowl of Frosted Flakes, when suddenly I was finding it difficult to catch my breath. I started wheezing and was struggling to capture air that I knew was all around me. After about ten somewhat terrifying minutes, the symptoms began to subside, but a mystery remained: what had caused this little episode in the first place?
They’re g-o-o-o-o-d . . . and dangerous over regular moo milk!
I called my family doctor’s practice and within an hour was driving to his office. Using the obvious evidence, my doctor performed a skin test that quickly confirmed a milk allergy. He couldn’t conclude the extent (or potential danger) of it, but figured that since I hadn’t experienced anaphylactic shock, at least it wasn’t life threatening. I would have to experiment with foods containing milk (puddings, cheeses, etc.) to determine the degree of my allergy. Milk itself, however, was now banned from my menu. And yes, in case you were wondering, new allergies can come on just that quickly. I know it surprised me.
Though this was not an earth shattering diagnosis, it was food-life altering. Through trial and error, I discovered that I could eat (and suffer a little) hard cheese and pizza – which frankly was a very good thing given my love of pizza and hard cheeses. After eating these foods, I might experience a little congestion and wheezing, so they remained in my dietary catalogue – though on a limited basis. And, for the most part, I could at minimum tolerate most foods that incorporated milk in their ingredients, so I was never worried about a dramatic allergic reaction.
At some point in the summer of 2008, my family doctor and I were reviewing my health history in preparation for an upcoming knee replacement, and the topic of the milk allergy was addressed. Though my health was generally good, I was definitely not getting any younger, and he wondered whether I was getting enough natural vitamin D, vitamin B-12, and calcium given that I no longer drank milk. He suggested that I try a milk substitute, something that wasn’t available to me back in the mid-eighties. I did as I was told but found the substitutes disgusting, even when they were splashed on cereal, so I supplemented my diet with a multivitamin instead. This wasn’t the best solution, but it would have to do.
Fast forward to August of 2019. Once again, I was meeting with my family physician before a scheduled surgery (this one on my lower back, the second in six months), and he stated rather directly that I needed to infuse more vitamin D into my system. He thought that maybe I should try regular milk again, that in some people, allergies change over time – and can actually disappear. He further suggested that if I was still allergic to moo milk, I should definitely try the milk substitutes again, that they were vastly improved over those earlier versions. He himself had recently become lactose intolerant and had found that Lactaid was a more than viable alternative to pure cow milk.
So, I stopped by Kroger on the way home and bought a small box of Froot Loops (sounded good at the time – and still do) and a half-gallon of Lactaid. We already had some regular milk at the house (for the wife), so I now had all of the necessary elements for the next morning’s experiment.
Fortunately, that free milk ad is having no effect on me . . .
My procedure was simple: I would eat seven bites of Froot Loops in regular milk, then wait for any kind of reaction. If there was none, I would finish the bowl and again wait for some feedback. However, this experiment didn’t last that long. After just five bites of cereal, I began to experience congestion and discomfort, so I stopped. The effects wore off rather quickly but it was obvious to me that there had been no change to my milk allergy. Ten minutes later (and feeling better), I tried the same test with the Lactaid. After seven bites and swallows, no adverse symptoms appeared – including the bitter milk face that I had anticipated. I ravenously finished the rest of the Froot Loops, even commenting out loud to myself after, “That was delicious!” Another delicious bowl of Froot Loops the next morning sealed the deal; I now had a milk substitute that tasted just as good as the real thing and didn’t interfere with my lungs and their desire to work without challenge!
Today, my pantry is populated with boxes of Frosted Flakes, Cap’n Crunch, and the aforementioned Froot Loops – and yes, before you comment on my cereal selections, I am well aware that I am approaching my sixth decade on the planet – though I admit that I am about six-years-old in many ways. For thirty plus years, my daily breakfast consisted of two eggs scrambled (always mixed with peppers, onions, sweet basil, and occasionally cheese) with two strips of bacon and coffee – which is still a fine morning meal. And, about two years ago, I added Jimmy Dean to the menu, as in his sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich – a perfectly quick morsel on those mornings when I am on the go. But now, I have added cereal to the lineup a couple of times a week, providing even more variety to mealtime – while pumping some needed vitamins into my aging body. For me, this is a win, win, win!
Oh, and just in case you needed to know, the only way to eat cereal properly is to submerge all of the flakes or oats in the milk, but not allow them to become saturated. Cereal saturation is a serial sin!
The inimitable Charlie Pride
