Krampus Mania!

Well, once again I’m going to plagiarize myself and post a page from my For Your Consideration section. I’m not lazy, I’m just lazy. Plus, how can I improve on the perfection of this selection about the Krampus phenomena. So go get an early (and frankly more fun) start to your Christmas holiday. Merry merry!

by Tom Shafer

December 8, 2018

Crap!  I missed Krampus. 

Now, I have to admit that I’m not the biggest fan of Christmas – though you certainly couldn’t tell that by walking into my humble abode.  Every year without fail, I dress our home with approximately twelve large bins of “Christmas Crap” (spelled out on each box – along with specific display areas to expedite the decorating process).  This is usually a daylong exercise (including a minimal outdoor exhibition) that is performed the day after Thanksgiving.  When asked why I make this effort so early – especially given that I’m not a big fan – I always proclaim that if the crap has to go up, I don’t want to waste two days (tear down as well) for just a few days of “enjoyment.”

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And, I also have to admit that once all of it goes up, I kind of like it: lights everywhere, lots of different tchotchkes to look at – the creation of a warm and cheery ambiance.  So much for the ambivalence I portray about garnishing our home with Christmas crap. 

Anyway, back to Krampus, which was (and yearly is) celebrated on December 5^th.  For the uninitiated, Krampus is an early seventeenth century European creation, a devilish, pagan creature who is said to be half-goat, half demon – and a stark contrast to the benevolent, beloved St. Nicholas.  According to tradition, this tag team of Krampus and St. Nicholas visits each home, the former dealing punishments to bad children on December 5^th – bags of sticks (not good); hitting with sticks (not good but not terrible); drowning (terrible); eating (Jeffrey Dahmer terrible); transporting offending transgressors straight to Hel, his father and ruler of the underworld (oh good Lord!) – the latter rewarding virtuous children with modest presents on December 6^th.  How much fun is that!  Only those crazy Europeans could improve Christmas!  Oh, and here’s a fun fact: Krampus was boycotted by Fascists in Austria during the 1930s for being anti-Christian and evil.  Sooooo, they recognized evil in a mythical, human-created beast, yet followed Adolph Hitler down the anus (not annals) of history.  Oh those crazy Austrians!

Largely ignored in America – perhaps because we are dealing with enough trauma as it is – Krampus is enjoying a true renaissance in Europe, and festivals celebrate his majesty in many cities throughout Austria, Germany, Hungary, and Slovenia.  These events typically include a fanciful parade where participants don wooden or paper mâché masks, supplemented with bells, chains, and furry costumes, and then dart at curious onlookers, attempting to frighten or startle them.  Occasionally, spectators may even find themselves on the receiving end of some good-natured “beatings” from a Krampus – or several Krampi!  To fully appreciate good, old-fashioned Krampus-mania, you must travel to Hollabrunn, Austria, for their annual festival Krampuslauf. Or, you can just click Krampuslauf instead.  By the way, this punk Christmas music is a perfect complement to any Krampusfest!  

A few American cities held Krampus festivities this year (Cleveland, Philadelphia, Los Angeles, Bloomington IN), so maybe we’re starting to realize the need for a time of punishment during the holiday season.  I know I’m looking forward to it.

So, if you desire a new wrinkle or tradition for your holiday season (and something with more bite than that stupid elf-on-the-shelf), you might want to welcome the Krampus into your world.  It will force an earlier start to Christmas celebrations (December 5^th) – and might reign in your unruly children who fear nothing now except a lost or broken phone!  Fear the Krampus!!

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Oh, and by the way, Happy Belated Krampus!