by Tom Shafer
December 29, 2017
So, not everyone can retire with flair, and neither did I. However, I did have a little fun with my retirement letter. The “Sir” is my superintendent — with whom I had a very good relationship — and the $10,000 references a bonus given to teachers who retired in the first two years of retirement eligibility, a generous way to thin the herd of us ancient dinosaurs (I was a styracosaurus — a blatant nod to my anime fans!). Enjoy!
West Carrollton High School 5833 Student Street, West Carrollton, Ohio 45449. Phone: (555) BR-549
Dear Sir:
After a long and blustery career, I am following the lead of a long line (lovely alliteration!) of forefathers by retiring at an early age, only to be followed by a relatively short life of gloom, despair, and agony. Words cannot express (though they are) my thanks to a district that has nurtured and suffered me for thirty years (these could be the words of my wife). I would love to send a shout out to the individuals who were inspirational in my educational sojourn, but that would prove to be unfair to their professionalism, integrity, and sense of good taste — that and the unending and ongoing litigation. So, there it is; on May 30th of this fine year, 2014, I’m done, kaput, finito. Now . . . where’s the ten thousand?
Respectfully,
Thomas Russell Shafer, Jr.
Another retirement notice — complete with lovely drawing!
Because I taught at a school whose mascot was a pirate, I was extremely jealous of this resignation letter when I first saw it. At least he or she is cursed with scurvy legs.
When you have to submit a resignation letter and you don’t really have much to say.
A reader submitted this resignation card. Hallmark needs to hire this young man!
Perhaps the most delicious resignation letter ever!
18 responses to “My Retirement Letter — and some that are even funnier!”