So, if you travel much (as I do), you will see lots of signs, some helpful, some helpless, others quite hilarious. What I present to you now are a few of the signs that have caught my eye over the years, most in that last category of hilarity. In the spirit of partial disclosure, I cheated and pulled in a couple of “signs” as seen on the internet. They just couldn’t be ignored. Enjoy!
Has the kitchen been updated recently — and how many bathrooms?This is an oldie but goody, but it’s still funny.More importantly, what illegal things have those normal dogs done?Of course, this isn’t a real sign — but I wish it were!Are we sure about this?A reader alerted me to this sign adorning a maze at Washington Farms in Georgia. There’s nothing like good old-fashioned cornstalk humor!A couple of years ago, I was driving to Denver, CO, in December and came across this notation left inside my Best Western motel room in WaKeeney, Kansas. And, in case you were wondering, no, I did not clean any birds in my room, just myself.Oh, you’ve got to love wordplay with one of the Ten Commandments. But you’ve also got to love the name of this church — and the town in which it offers worship! And what’s with the random underlined letters? Conspiracy theories commence!You have to look closely, but the Columbus, Ohio, sign on the right is advertising Cat’s Ass Flooring Epoxy. I’m not sure PETA has been contacted about this, but I’m not worried. I clean up after cats all the time, so I don’t think this product will be very popular. Why would you want cat’s ass holding your flooring in place? Horse epoxy seems to work just fine.You’ve got to love the honesty of this sign outside of Fort Laramie, Wyoming. I have to admit that if I lived there, I might be considered one of the sore heads.I really don’t know what to think of this sign found on a state park restroom in Yellowwood State Forest in Indiana. I hope it is referencing firecrackers and bottle rockets. Otherwise, after a good night of Mexican food, you might get fined while using this facility.On a beautiful gravel road outside of Zion National Park, you might find this “sculptural” homage to the rock legends Led Zeppelin. Perhaps hard to read (though you may have guessed already), this is the Chairway to Heaven. Ba-Dump-Dump!Though clearly not a sign, this gravestone can be found in the cemetery outside the ghost town of Grafton, Utah (near Zion National Park). I would prefer “Loved By All” on MY gravestone — though it certainly wouldn’t be as memorable as this.This sign in Musselburgh, Scotland, needs no explanation. Needless to say, I had the soup of the day — several soups actually.If you travel to beautiful Colorado National Monument in western Colorado, you will see this sign perched near some pretty steep drop-offs. Even if this guy sticks the landing, the Russian judges will take points off for the yelling.As good as advertised. And affordable.Life’s Rorschach test (viewed in southwestern Ohio). If you’re depressed, don’t read it side to side.I hope my pain doctor (for my back) doesn’t mind me using this. but his epidural treatments are unique. I don’t know if this is FDA approved, but I do know that fans of the team-up-North don’t get this special juice.Finally, a special parking spot for beer-drinking men who love to barbecue. One of my Indian readers sent this to me, and it welcomes hikers to the Wayanad Coffee Trail near Kalpetta, India. Couldn’t have said it better myself.This sign adorned my classroom for many years. I admit, this is just self-serving promotion.A reader from Ottawa, Ontario, sent a picture of this signboard offering a lunch special. Taken separately, these are fine ingredients. Together, they will leave a bad taste in your mouth — especially the pickle. A reader from Roanoke, Virginia, sent this to me. Is this a selling point or not?A reader from Michigan shared this one. I mean, can you get any more direct than this?
As seen on a light pole in New York City. No comment necessary — but I love his hopeful smile!A reader from Brooklyn, New York, sent this one in. Like most good commercials, I have no idea what they are selling.
This Internet “sign” is self-explanatory. I don’t have to worry about those nine years at all. I have been eating two strips of bacon every morning for at least forty-nine years. I celebrate my semi-centennial of bacon next year!
This Internet visual from the CDC (okay, maybe not the CDC) captures the true essence of norovirus. Makes you want to go right out and get that flu shot! No explanation is needed for this important public service announcement.I thought I was shopping at Home Depot.That’s what I call one-stop shopping! A gun store would truly complete this Colorado Springs strip mall — oh, and maybe a funeral home.Okay, so you’ll have to travel to the Philippines to find this sign, but isn’t it nice to know that if you do need some threats for Christmas, you can buy them right off the shelf. Makes you wonder what’s in the bag for $250!So, a reader sent this one to me. I like a nice welcoming from any city I visit, but this might be taking it too far — literally! I would, however, enjoy the surgical glove concession for KC.This and the following signs come to you compliments of the Carroll County Veterinarian Clinic in Westminster, Maryland. More businesses should have this kind of fun with their signage!This came from a reader who lives in Bonita Springs, Florida, where the sign originates. After getting a cell phone, those animals will then request an X-Box, some chicken strips, and a corner room with free Wi-Fi. Okay, so I hope that these are merely spelling errors (“Pillsbury” and “Cinnamon”), but if not, “. . . it’s people. Soylent Green is made out of people!!” And apparently Pillsbury is now offering rolls made from our moms — and at low prices!A reader from Vancouver sent this. So very sad!Okay, so this “sign” was making the rounds right before Christmas, so we know it’s not real. However, we can all agree that the sentiment is!Okay, so this is not a sign. It’s a rock I saw in Dolly Sods Wilderness in the mountains of West Virginia several years ago. I call him Ghost Rock, and no, that’s not weird at all.American musician and poet Lou ReedYou’ll certainly find lots of signs on the “Dirty Boulevard.”
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