by Tom Shafer
March 3, 2021
Hey GOP – especially those of you committed to “helping” amend election laws:
The gig is up, and you may as well just go ahead and admit it. You need to free yourselves, to live the brave words screeched by Senator Ted “Cancun” Cruz at CPAC as he was channeling his inner William Wallace (sorry, Bill): “Freedom! Freedom!” Oh, you’ll feel so much better.
Besides, everybody knows it already. It’s the worst kept secret since the January 6th riot at the Capitol ripped the hood off of your not-so-clandestine alliance with white nationalists and insurrectionists. And now, with over two hundred new election “improvements” being considered by all but seven states across our country, your little “secret” is perched on the brink of the edge on the rim of the ledge on the brim of the trunk of your of beloved GOP elephant.
So, just admit it. You don’t want black or brown people to vote. At all. Period.
You’ve all but admitted that you can’t win elections on the merits – ex-President Trump even said so on Fox & Friends in March of 2020 [“. . . if you’d ever agreed to it (making voting easier), you’d never have a Republican elected in this country again”]. You can’t win on your platform – because you don’t have one. You can’t win with the cadre of candidates you keep fishing out of the swamp (see Louie Gohmert, Matt Gaetz, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Lauren Boebert). And you certainly can’t win if gerrymandering is ever abolished.
The country isn’t getting older, whiter, dumber, and more masculine – you know, your base.
So, you have to do the only thing that is logical to you (other than abandoning Trump, reestablishing a real conservative platform, and attracting better, more sensible candidates): you must suppress the franchise of black and brown voters so that you can level the playing field, so that your base, those older, whiter, dumber, and more masculine voters, might help you win an election or two.
But you don’t need to keep your little klan – er, plan – a secret any longer because all of us can see right through your opaque robes.
American folk punkers Violent Femmes
